How to Save a Life
by thebeautifulbicky
Summary: Based on 'How to Save a Life' by The Fray. Merlin tries talking to Morgana, tries to save her life.


_**HOW TO SAVE A LIFE**_

_Step one you say we need to talk_

_She walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

_She smiles politely back at you_

_You stare politely right on through_

Merlin walked through the corridors towards Morgana's chambers. He needed to finally confront her about abuse of magic, about using it for the wrong ends. For example, trying to murder a certain King and his son. Or trying to destroy a certain city because of its leader's bad choices.

He pushed open the door. Morgana was standing up with her back to the door. She looked at the mirror in front of her, and saw a person on her Top 5 Hate List.

'Merlin,' she practically spat.

'Morgana,' the servant said, in a polite and indifferent tone. It was what all servants used when speaking to royalty. He took a deep breath and prepared himself mentally for his speech.

_Some sort of window to your right_

_As she goes left and you stay right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_You begin to wonder why you came_

This was so incredibly stupid of him. Did he really think Morgana would listen to him? Probably she would just lash out at him.

He remembered when Morgana had tried murdering Uther. It was rather impulsive and badly planned on her part, but she had come alarmingly close to accomplishing her mission. Then he remembered when she'd helped Morgause invade Camelot by raising an army of the dead. Once again, she had nearly succeeded. And then he remembered the time he poisoned her. That had been the old Morgana he had poisoned, the one whose heart and mind had not been twisted. Her beautiful face had been filled with hurt and betrayal when she realised what had happened... When she realised that it was Merlin who poisoned her.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

Merlin still had some remote hope that Morgana would turn back into the loving, beautiful woman she once was. It was partly the reason he had healed her when she was so close to death. He wanted to give her another chance to revert back into the woman he had once loved, who had been one of his closest friends.

Merlin knew Morgana's change of attitude was partly his fault. He should have reached out to her before, told her about his magic so that she wouldn't feel so alone. He shouldn't have let fear stop him from helping one of his closest friends.

_Let her know that you know best_

_Cause after all you do know best_

_Try to slip past her defence_

_Without granting innocence_

_Lay down a list of what is wrong_

_The things you've told her all along_

_And pray to God she hears you_

_And pray to God she hears you_

'I was just going to leave,' Morgana said.

Merlin blinked and returned to the present. Morgana started walking towards the door, but Merlin caught her arm.

'Stop it,' he said.

'Stop what?'

'You know what I'm talking about, Morgana.'

Immediately she clammed shut. 'I don't have a clue,' she said.

'Please understand,' Merlin said pleadingly. 'There's no need for violence. You of all people can use your magic for good, you can use it to change Uther's mind about magic, instead of trying to destroy the whole city and kill everyone. All you're doing is hardening his heart against magic.'

Morgana curled her lip but didn't say anything.

'Please,' he continued. 'Uther has been blinded his own hatred. He does what he does out of guilt and fear. His heart has been twisted by grief. Don't let the same thing happen to you, Morgana. Once you were a wonderful person. You stood up for the weak, you argued against the bloody king! Now... I don't know. I don't know who you are anymore, Morgana.'

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

Morgana was silent. Yes, she had turned her back on the only life she had ever known for a person she had met only recently. But the life she had known was full of lies, full of hatred, and her new one with Morgause was one where she could be herself. She could finally let go of the fear that had been ravaging her mind, the fear that her ability to foresee events was magic.

She looked at Merlin. He had been one of her closest friends. She had thought that he was a constant person in her life, someone who always told the truth. She had trusted him with all her heart.

But he poisoned her. Physically and emotionally _poisoned_ her. If she couldn't trust sweet, sweet Merlin, she couldn't trust anyone.

_As she begins to raise her voice_

_You lower yours and grant her one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road_

_Or break with the ones you've followed_

_She will do one of two things_

_She will admit to everything_

_Or she'll say she's just not the same_

_And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

'You don't understand, Merlin,' she said. Her voice was shaky with anger. Suddenly she looked furious. She looked powerful, formidable, like the sorceress that she was prophecised to become. Even Merlin felt a pool of fear build up inside him.

'You wouldn't know,' said Morgana. 'You wouldn't know what it's like to fear for your life, to fear your own identity, to have to look behind your back every few seconds, fearful of what might happen if you don't.'

Merlin only looked at her with... Was that pity? She didn't need pity from a lowly serving boy. She lashed out.

'I'm not going to apologize for who I am,' she said, her voice rising to a rather alarming volume. 'Magic is a part of me, and I'm never going to let it go. It's something that you wouldn't understand, _Merlin_. You're just a simple servant. A servant who betrayed me.'

There was a silence as they both stood there awkwardly, staring at one another.

'Please,' Merlin said softly. 'Once I loved you. Once you would have risked your life for a lowly serving boy like me. Please, you don't have to do this.'

Morgana was still fuming. 'I've already said this. You. Don't. Understand. You never have, and you never will.'

She stalked out of her chambers, leaving Merlin standing there.

'Oh, but I do, Morgana, I do,' the warlock said softly. He opened his hand and let flames dance across his palm.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_


End file.
